We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
