yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
