It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.