How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.