he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU