Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
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Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
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Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete