I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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