i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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