I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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