Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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