Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize