Don't make out with my wife yet
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship