I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
