He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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