So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
