is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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