The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
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If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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