Dual....:-)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
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i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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