....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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