I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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