someone owes me an orgasm
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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