he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
