I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
