half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......