That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
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The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral