um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.