It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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