I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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