after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There r osticjed everywhere
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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