I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I feel great
I just peed on a car
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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