id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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