Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
