He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday