it was like eating out sand paper
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"