why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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