It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window