Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.