WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
