i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!