the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.