he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!