So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
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He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
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Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.