no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.