Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
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you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
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Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.