Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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