I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
