I feel great
I just peed on a car
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
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I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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I can't put those talents on a resume
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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