he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
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I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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