i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.