About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We need to get me chipped asap
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.