I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend