Well douche your snatch and let's go!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
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btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
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You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.