dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...