I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
COCAINE IS GR8
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