I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
