You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
