Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
