u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
