I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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