Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
