This is not my ceiling
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
