there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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