Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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