He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
birth control should be required to get into college
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
