I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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