She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
