I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
