I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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