I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
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I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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